THE ROOM -

This Is My Unauthorized Remake of Brian Moore’s unauthorized remake of Joshua Harris's essay, ‘The Room’ or as I call it,

‘The Lifestory Files’.

This has been my re-occurring dream. I am very, very relaxed and drifting off to sleep. I am almost there. but not quite. In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I find myself in ‘The Room’. There are no distinguishing features in ‘the room’ except for the one wall covered with small index card file drawers. They are like the Cardex files at the library whose drawers are labeled by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretch from the floor to the ceiling and are seemingly endless in either direction, are labeled with very different titles. As I drift off to sleep , the dream begins with me drawing near this wall of files. The first label to catch my attention, of course, is one that reads 'Girls I Have Liked.' I open it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognize the name written on each of these cards. I step back and look at this wall of files and then, in an instant, and without being told, I know exactly Where I Am. This lifeless room, with its many files, is a crude catalog system for my entire Life. Here are written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory could never match. These are my Lifestory files. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror and fear, stir within me. This is both amazing and scary! I begin randomly opening various of these ‘Lifestory’ files and exploring their contents. Some bring joy and sweet, wonderful memories. Others bring a sense of shame and regret, some so intense that I look over my shoulder to see if anyone is watching me. Oh Shame On Me!, some of the things I have done. .... A file labeled 'Friends' is next to one marked 'Friends I Have Betrayed.' The titles ring from the mundane to the outright weird, like ‘Places That Scarred Me.’ And then there are ‘Cars I Have Had’, 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I Have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed At’. Some are almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've Yelled At My Brothers.' Others I can't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done In My Anger', ‘Things I Have Stolen’, 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath At My Parents', and then a similar one for my children and another for my co-workers. Oh yeah, and there’s the one that makes me cringe titled ‘Things I Have Yelled At My Computer’ and another labeled ‘Times I Have Completely Blown It’.The categories are endless. I never cease to be surprised by some of the contents, when I have the courage to look. Other times, I know in advance what I’m going to see, if I can actually force myself to look. Often there are many more cards in a file than I expect. Sometimes fewer than I hope. I am overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the Life I had lived in these sixty-some short years. So many experiences. And so many forgotten ones. Could it be possible that I have had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or seemingly millions of cards? But each card confirms this is true. Each card is written in my own handwriting and signed with my very own signature. When I pull out the file marked 'TV Shows I Have Watched', I realize that the file drawers grow to contain their contents. The cards in this drawer are packed tightly and yet after two or three yards, I don't find the end of this deep file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast amount of time I know that this file represents. I cannot bring myself to open the drawer labeled 'Mistakes I Have Made' but when I come to a file marked 'My Negative Thoughts And Deeds’, I feel a chill run through my entire body. I pull this file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and I draw out a card and, reading it, shudder at its detailed content. I quickly return the card to the file and close the drawer, not wanting to even guess at how many cards might be within. I feel sick to think that such moments in my Life have been recorded. I start seeing certain past images in my mind. An almost animal rage arises in me. One thought dominates my mind: No one must ever know of this file. No one should ever see these cards! No one must ever even see this room! But I still have to destroy these particular cards!' I would be so ashamed if they were read by any one. I know that I couldn’t even bear to look at some of them, myself. In an insane frenzy I yank the file drawer back out. Its size doesn't matter now. I have to empty it and destroy the cards. It is an unbelievably large file. But as I take it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I can not dislodge any of the cards. They won’t come out. I become desperate and pull out a single card, only to find it as strong as steel when I try to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I return the file drawer to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. “Oh Geeze, What Do I Do?” Maybe I should try to glue this drawer shut or in some other manner secure it so that it can never again be opened. I can’t bear the thought of really being known as the scoundrel that I am. And then an amazing awareness comes over me. It is the awareness that history is recorded, whether we like it or not. And that only by being aware of history’s existence, being aware of both the good and the bad in our Life and trying to learn from all of our Life experiences will any of what we do in our time here on this Earth be of any benefit to ourselves or anyone else. We cannot hide from ourselves any longer. We have to see ourselves as the evolving animals we truly are. We have to acknowledge both our positive and negative selves, for as in everything else in the known Universe, the positive would not exist if the negative wasn’t there. This is a real awakening. And I must follow through. But now that I’ve dreamed myself back awake, that would be a whole other story in a completely different dream...Let’s See - Now what was this dream really all about????

Great Story, I think. Thanks to Joshua Harris and Brian Moore for writing their story and my apologies for re-writing it and putting my own spin on it. The idea is just too good not to pass on as food for thought for those who are interested in such things.....